irritable

is it a bad thing that i hate being home? and usually i dont have an issue.. everyone gets irritated sometimes.. but i just cant stand being here.. and its because i want to be somewhere else.. usually id be happy just being anywhere else.. but this time thats not the case. anywhere else would not suffice. i wanna be there with Them.. i want to abolish this 30 day trial period and go for the gold..lol. i want the real deal. i know i have to get a job.. i hate looking for jobs. hate it hate it hate it. i get so discouraged i guess.. putting in work and getting no results.. i dont know. and i know i need to wait. that i have to go slow. because that has ALWAYS been an issue with me.. rushing things, relationships mostly, pushing them before they are ready.. and its never ended in a good way. i know what i need. but its not what i want.