uninhibited.

What does this statement mean to you?
"To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve, and limit my growth as a submissive"

in order to grow as a sub i have to let all my inhibitions go. one of my biggest inhibitions has been nakedness. i dont know if i can say that im over it, i think its more like i dont have a choice. lol. i dont like seeing myself naked, how can i expect anyone else to? im over that mindset now. i am becoming more comfortable in my own skin. and besides.. im determined that i wont be like this forever! lol. thats just one example tho. one of the biggest obsticals i need to over come is my fear of talking. i am an introvert. i keep things to myself, let them fester, untill they blow up. its almost like i have to stop thinking for myself. that sounds weird, but, if i think for myself, i am going to blow things way out of proportion. a insanely bad habbit of mine. things would be so much simpler if i would just talk about that thing in the first place! *smacks forhead* that statement means that if i am honest, and remember my place, then letting go of my inhibitions will not only help me be a better submissive but help me to grow, and learn more, and use what ive learned properly. so really, it is in my best intrest to not feel guilt or shame, and if ive done nothing wrong then there will be no need to feel either of those two emotions.

Thankful Thursdays VIII

im thankful that:

1. im going to leavenworth this weekend

2. i had a short week at work

3. there's an extra paycheck this month

4. i finally experianced the paddle this past weekend

5. my little brother got glasses this week and he is such a little stud muffin

6. the pool is heated and ready for swimmin!

7. i have Miss Fran and Mr. Hubby :D

8. i have a family that is trustworthy

9. i got to see a puppy min pin on monday! soooo cute

10. that kaya had an amazing post today on her blog

commandments

What does this statement mean to you?
"i agree To obey given commands to the best of my ability"
it means that unless i have a really good, valid excuese i better do it. but the whole thing of it is, is that i should want to do things for my Mistress. i want to please Her. She doesnt ask much of me at all. i know that. but im still getting into the groove of things. ive been out of this lifestyle for a long time. i hope i havent done a miserable job of it, i know ive certinly botched a few commandments, thats for sure.. *cough* last weekend *cough* but i know i am trying.. but to the best of my ability? probablly not. im very sorry to admit that. i know that my strong will, and independance has been a hinderance. and now that i have admitted to myself that maybe i havent been doing my best, things will change. i want to do my best for Her, i certinly want Her to want to keep me around. i dont want to have to fight to keep my place in Her life, as Her sub or otherwise. so i better get my act togeather. ive sort of had an ephiny while writing this post. i havent been keeping up my end of the contract. i beg forgivness from Her, and i hope She is still willing to let me prove myself.

Visual....

Scroll down to see wicked's red (and white spotted) ass after receiving her whomping from the "boat oar"

~~Miss Fran

code red

Tell Me about your safeword and what it means to you. Also tell Me about your other option.

my safeword is red. i think red a pretty common safeword within the D/s circle. red in my contract means that the scene will only stop or slow temporarily. in my experiance, that is pretty uncommon. red usually means that the scene is stoped, and will not continue. i dont have one of those. typically yellow is another safe word used to stop or slow a scene temporarily. my other option is a verbal queue. "i wish to speak to You" to indicate distress without the use of a safeword.

a lot of people have limits. safewords are used when that limit has been pushed. i have never used a safeword.. altho, i have come close. Miss Fran is not the only one pushing me, i am pushing myself. pushing myself through the pain, pushing myself to take more. pushing myself to not disapoint Her by using my safeword.

my safeword to me, means that, i need a break from whatever Miss Fran is doing to me. before i entered into this relationship, i was niave enough to think that i had a somewhat high pain tollerance. ha! after reading some of the blogs out there, i am a pansy ass. lol. but i hope that She continues to push me, and that i push myself. and that a safeword will not be a common occurance

What do these statements mean to you?
"i ask that the care of my body be accepted for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs"
"i ask to be guided in sexual, sensual, or scene-related behavior, in such a way as to further my growth as a person"
"i request of {Miss Fran}, as my Dominant, to use the power vested in this role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being"

they mean to me that i have willingly given up my body. that i trust Her to use it how She fits. that i trust Her to do it safely, and not put me in harms way, or risk injury. that my body is for Her benefit, her pleasure. it means that i trust Her to help me grow outside of sceneing, to become a better person, a better submissive. that She will do Her best to mold me in a way that pleases Her.

Cane please!

goes under a computer chair or something? that have the little spikey things to dig into the carpet. i completely forgot about it, didnt even know what She was going to use it for, i was damn suprised when my ass was on it. She had me roll over and took some pictures. then She asked if i was ready for the paddle. i was scared, She kept rubbing it over my ass, and i was tense of course, She said, "you know its going to hurt more if you tense up.." so i slowly started to relax, and WAM! oh. my. god. i thought i was paralysed. i thought i would never walk again. i started crying instantly. never felt anything like that before in my life. ever. it hurt so bad, it felt like She had hit me across the tail bone and i thought i wouldnt be able to walk for a week. She showed me pictures and it left really weirdlast night Miss Fran and i had a little play time. if felt a lot different from times before. ive been wearing my everyday collar for about 3 weeks now.. well 2 because i accidentally forgot it and had to go without it for a week :( but last night i wore my collar collar. and my wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs. all matching. we never got to using the ankle cuffs. She linked my hands behind my back and then linked them to my collar with some nylon rope. then She blindfolded me, and bent me over the bed. She used the cane a few times, and asked me if i wanted 5 medium hits of the cane, or one hard hit from the paddle. now let me tell you about this paddle. this thing could EASILY be used for a boat oar. easily. it is huge. and it looks even bigger because it gets used on my ass. and granted, i had probablly already gotten about 5 hits of the cane, but i figured nothing She had could be worse than that cane. so i said i wanted one of the paddle. ive never been hit anywhere hard with it. She lead me over, and had me lay on my back, and a couple of months ago She had me go to home depot and pick up a floor runner.. you know the kind that marks on my ass, i will have to have Her put it on here so you can see.

i felt that hit throughout my whole body, and She said it wasnt even really hard, maybe medium hard at best. afterwards i got on the bed and She laid with me, petting me like i love, especially after playing.. we talked about how i am supposed to act when that purple collar is on. and today i go and fuck everything up. more on that another time probablly.. have a good memorial day everyone

Discipline and Punnishment

there is an obvious difference between discipline and punnishment to me. discipline is getting up and making Her bed on the days i am here. discipline is asking to sit at the table to eat, or to sit on the couch before watching a movie. discipline is doing all my daily assignments and tasks before any sort of entertainment. punnishment incurs when i dont do those things. like last week, when i went to seattle with my sister before doing my tasks. i had to hand write "i will do my assignments before any entertainment. i am sorry for forgetting, especially so soon after a warning." 200 times. that is a punnishment. discipline in a D/s relationship isnt really any different than any vanilla person. just like you have to discipline yourself to eat right or excersize(the punnishment for that is getting overweight, and incuring health problems), you have to discipline yourself to put your Master or Mistress first, that is the ultimate task of discipline, putting yourself last.

thankful thursdays VII

im thankful that:

1. it is a beautiful day outside, and the pool is sparkly blue. im thinking ill go up and sit on the balcony and play WoW when im done with my assignments

2. i have friday and monday off! wOot!

3. my sister has gotten me into scrapbooking and i made my first scrapbook page

4. my tattoo isnt so red any more. just a tiny tiny bit

5. my mom is starting to cook better at home

6. that i finally had a full paycheck this week!

7. i have 77 hours of vacation rolling over at the end of next week

8. i get to sleep in tomorrow

9. my favoritest show ever starts tonight!! so you think you can dance

10. my sister is off early today and is on her way home :D we is gonna scrapbook i think

american idol

i was watching the finale tonight, and gwen stephani was on and she sang this song. i thought it was an awesome song. so i thought i would share it. its called 4 in the morning. oh.. and i hope blake wins!!!

Wakin up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had it’s say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
It’s all over me
I know you’re here, in the dark
I’m watchin' you sleep, it hurts a lot

[Bridge]
And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less, 'cause you know I’d give you all of me

[Chorus]
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don’t wanna lose the love I found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down
It’s not fair, how you are
I can’t be complete, can you give me more

[Bridge]
And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less, 'cause you know I’d give you all of me

[Chorus]
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your lovin for me
We can’t escape the love
With everything that you have

[Bridge]
And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
And nothing less, 'cause you know I’d give you all of me

[Chorus]
I’d give you everything that I am
I’m handin over everything that I’ve got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don’t ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
And I wanna make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time
Baby if we’re gonna do it come and do it right

grapes are yummy!

Today is 3 months since we first met. What have you learned about yourself in the last 3 months? What do you still need/want to learn? Expand on this. <------blog assignment


it feels longer than 3 months in someways and shorter than that in others, to me. i remember sitting in the resteraunt tearing up my straw paper, hiding behind my hair. Miss Fran called me and told me that They were there. i was so nervous. They walked in.. i didnt see Them because i was hiding.. They walked up and She told me to scoot over, and asked why i was hiding. lol She was so laugh-y and i remember She had Her arm around my shoulders and was playing with the bare skin above my breasts.. nuzzling my neck.. They both kept laughing at my nervousness, trying to bring me out of it. the people at the table across from us were looking at us weird.. and She loved that. i think secretly She loves to cause a scene. :D

ive learned a lot about myself.. does one learn to have more self confidance? or does one just get it? lol... either way, i feel like i have more of it. ive learned that even tho this relationship might not be healthy in "vanilla terms" it feels healthy to me. that its a wonderful thing to be happy in a relationship. ive never had that.. at least not for very long. if at all. im learning to open up, to talk, to reveal my feelings to not be ashamed, or shy because of them. ive learned that i hate disapointing Her.. i feel like ive done my fair share of it lately. i guess im still at the stage, where i dont have enough confidance in the relationship.. because sometimes im still afraid that "this is gonna be it" that everything is going to come to an end because i disapointed Her. i guess that means i dont have enough confidance in Her either.. i proved that last night. im learning to make toys! sometimes its tedious work, but the work is fruitful! ive made 3 floggers so far, all of them out of nylon rope, and im sure a lot of Y/you out there are snickering and muttering "pansy" under your breath. lol. this last weekend i looked at a page for making leather toys. i havent "graduated" to leather yet. ive learned that it takes A LOT OF WORK to keep 3 people happy in a relationship. Mr. Hubby today made a comment about asking myself if its worth it. and my response to that was.. that ive never had to ask myself that concerning the two of You... and i think He might not have understood what i meant by that.. waat i meant was.. that its never crossed my mind that its not worth it. i never had to ask myself if its worth it, because of course its worth it! ive learned that i was affection starved before i met Them. when i get to Their house after not being with Them all week, and i hug Her, put my face in Her neck, i feel everything just sort of slide off my back so to say.. my shoulders lower about 5 inches lol, and i can breathe again. i swear She smells like grapes sometimes. lol. neither of U/us knows why. and ive also learned that i love to be affectionate back. i think i am finally getting over my shyness when it comes to being affectionate, when it comes to initiating it. i have no problem recieving it. hehe. ive learned that with Them, i need to deal in specifics. generalizations leave too much room for error. and im not used to being specific.

what do i still need to learn. i need to learn to not get defensive. i need to learn to listen and take things with a grain of salt. i need to learn to not expect the worst to happen. i need to learn to be more patient. i need to learn to be more specific. i need to learn to be more obedient. the word obedient reminds me of a song we used to sing in sunday school. i think the last line is something to the effect of, "obedience is the very best way to show that you belive"..or care. or something like that. i need/want to learn to not be a cry baby!

and finally, what do i want to learn? i want to learn how to compromise better. i want to learn Them. to understand Them better. i also WANT to learn to be more obedient. better yet, i want to learn to do what She wants, before She asks. i envy a lot of you out there, i envy your attitude, your disposition, your knowledge. i want to learn to not be so strong willed, and independant, because right now i feel that those things are keeping me from being a better submissive. i want to learn to communicate better. i know it is one of the most important things to Her. and i know i need a lot more work on it. i want to learn to keep my emotions in check.. i think that would help me a lot in communicating better.

intent

In our contract it says that you agree:
To maintain honest and open communication and be treated with nothing but the same.
To strive to reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment. This is quoted directly from the contract on page 2. Do you feel that what happened on Sunday was in line with the intent of this contract?If so, explain.If not, explain.I would also like for you to list at least 3 solutions as to how we can each improve communication <---blog assignment for today



at no point on sunday did i refuse to talk about the situation. i had said that i didnt want to talk about it right now, yes. i dont belive that was out of line in any way.. the contract says "strive to reveal my thougts, feelings and desires without hesitation or embarassment."



strive - to try very hard or struggle



communication is something ive struggled with my entire life. i have been trying very hard to get better at it and at least i, feel that i have improved a lot since 4 months ago. i dont think anything happened that was out of line as far as the contracts intent. at all. if i dont have an option of wanting to talk about it at a later time then maybe that should be added in.



as far as solutions go..



dont push. panic comes swift and easily. telling me ive got 30 seconds to talk or go home.. is going to push me to go home. talking or going home isnt an option, its an ultimadum. no one responds well to those. when You sit there getting angry at my tears.. that certinly isnt going to make me open up any easier or faster. it makes it so much harder. Your upset before i even say anything. it makes me think that the rest isnt going to go any better


dont be jealous. there isnt anything to be jealous of. i love BOTH of You very much.

give me time to gather my thoughts and emotions.. my courage. i know by now that not talking isnt an option. i know that. so when i sit there im not trying to get out of it or refusing to talk.

as for me.. i dont know what i could to to improve on listening.. as You havent told me of anything that i need to pay attention to. You told me on sunday, that in the begening of the relationship You had the attitude of "well is she isnt going to talk to Me then im not going to talk to her" i belive W/we are over that. as i feel that i have improved a great deal. maybe You disagree. i dont know.
patience with eachother is key

understanding that one has a hardship, and the other doesnt is important also.

and comming to the middle so that neither of us feels pushed or pulled.

communication.

communication isnt really something ive been good at.. ever. i dont talk to my parents, i dont talk to my siblings.. not even really to my friends. communitation means:
The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. i know where my lack of communication stems from.. it was about 9 years ago. when i confided in my parents about something that had happened to my sister and i.. and they did nothing. in my short history of relationships communication didnt get any better.

sunday when i got up Miss Fran sat with me and told me that i would no longer be sleeping with Mr. Hubby. that i would be sleeping on the couch from now on. She said that if She didnt get to sleep with him, then i wouldnt be either. Mr. Hubby is a light sleeper, so any sort of noise (snoring hehe) will keep him up. so They sleep in seperate bedrooms.
before i met Them i had never slept with anyone. He is the first person i ever spent the night with, in the boyfriend girlfriend context. i understood where She was comming from, i would be upset in Her position too. its something that has become important to me. They are a lot of firsts for me.. They are both the only people ive said i love you to face to face.. its an emotional thing.. not a sex thing when it comes to sleeping with Them. so sunday when She told me this i was really upset.. i had wrote in a previous blog that i was hoping to sleep with Her this weekend also. the more upset about something i am, the less i want to talk about it. i hate crying, i hate anyone seeing me cry. i am a cryer. i cry all the damn time. i have this bad habbit of thinking the worst is going to happen.. that im going to get the worst reaction when i say something. She gave me some time.. and when Mr Hubby got up He asked me what was wrong and i just didnt want to talk about it at that time.. i wasnt upset anymore.. had stopped crying.. and i didnt want to start again. i just wanted to wait till i could get to the point where i wouldnt cry. Miss Fran told me i could talk.. or go home. that made me start crying more. its not that i was refusing to talk.. i just didnt want to talk then. i dont want to sit here with puffy eyes, runny nose, crying in front of them. honestly i almost left. i was mad, angry that She was forcing me. She would say to that.. that i had a choice. but thats no choice. walking away is never a choice. She said sitting there and crying wasnt an option, and that i had 30 seconds to start talking or go home. i wanted to scream. so i finally pushed myself to start talking.. that im not upset because i cant sleep with HIM.. but because i cant sleep with ANYone. yes i sleep alone when im at home.. but it sucks then too. lol we talked and tryed to come up with a solution. He said he would sleep with Her one night a week. She would sleep with me one night a week, and he would sleep with me one night a week. of course He was quick to point out that i was the only one not giving up anything.. part of the problem is that She doesnt like His bed.. so not matter what, someone is going to be losing sleep. i am very greatful that They are willing to compromise. last night all three of U/us tried to sleep in the big bed.. lol along with a dog. it didnt last long.. He ended up in her bed eventually, and She and the dog stayed with me. i always make thing out to be worse than they are. i thought i would be stuck sleeping on the couch forever :( but thats not the case.. at least not right now :D

its friday!!

it was a good day.. a little slow at work.. because im going over to Miss Frans house im sure. i have to leave now.. i have to hang up Her clothes and dye some nylon rope so i can make a new flogger this weekend. im excited! i like making stuff like that. W/we are supposed to go to some sort of festival thingy tomorrow. i hope the weather holds out. i get to see a puppy too! maybe.. i hope Y/you all have a good weekend!!!!

Thankful Thursdays VI

im thankful that:

1. W/we signed contracts last friday

2. i have my tattoo

3. my parents are out of town for a couple of days!

4. work is going so much better now

5. my friend is here from florida

6. i might get to see a yorkie puppy this weekend!

7. the pool is getting cleaned!

8. the hot tub works finally.. even if it is still a little gree

9. the chiropractor poped my back today and i feel awesome!

10. the weather is so nice outside

loving

ah.. finally we come to loving. i belong to a yahoo group for D/s noobs. and a question was posted last week about if love is a must in any BDSM relationship.. and my first thought was.. of course it is! its weird to see how different people reacted to that question. a couple of weeks ago, Miss Fran posted about devotion. for me love and devotion go hand and hand, how can you be completely devoted to someone, and not love them, or at least feel for them a great deal? and if you love someone, how can you not be completely devoted? there are lots of ways to show love. but for me the best way to show love is to do what She asks of me, not grudgingly, but because i love Her and i know that doing those things makes Her happy

comforting

comfort has many forms. i have certian tasks to do when i am at Miss Frans house.. more will come when i start spending more time there. She is teaching me how to do Her laundry.. i make Her bed every morning.. those things are chores for me.. requirements.. but i would do them even if they wernt. just like sending Her a good morning message before i go to work.. that is not a requirement.. but i know She likes it, She enjoys them.. they are a sort of comfort to Her.. and as a sub, Her comfort always comes before mine. when i sleep with Her (which isnt often.. im hoping to maybe sneak a night in this weekend hehe) She plays with my hair, or just runs Her hands over me.. touching is a big thing for me.. so thats one way She is a comfort to me. i feel that comfort goes both ways.. and i think that W/we both do a good job of comforting E/eachother

obedient

obedience is probablly one of the most important parts of O/our relationship. either i obey. or i can go home.. so to say. i can do whats asked or not bother doing anything at all. those are the terms of O/our relationship. when you love someone you want to do what makes them happy.. everyone slips. even the most experianced of subs. im lucky to be with Miss Fran, lucky that W/we are going through the trial and error togeather. She is fair.. i see that.. even though at the time of infraction, i may not.

respectful

respect for me in this relationship is a lot of things.. i have to respect Her rules.. Her moods.. learning to read them has been hard, but i think im getting better. i have to respect Her as my Domme.. as my Girlfriend, my Friend.. my everything. to me my recently aquired tattoo represents a lot of things.. but first and formost.. a sort of permanance. i was scared when She told me i was getting the tattoo.. not because of the pain, however i was wary about that as well, but mostly it was because i knew i would always carry Her mark.. and for a split second i doubted myself.. wondered if i was ready. and if i wasnt i knew that that would be ok too.. i respect Her for Her kindness and patience with me.. i know its taken a lot.. especially patience. i have no more doubts about this Relationship, or tattoo.. or anything.

cheeky

hmm.. i think cheeky is something that a sub should use sparingly... and only in the private audience with her Domme.. never in public. i think its just a fun way to keep things light.. my personal favorites are licking.. kissing.. funny faces.. but never do them during a scene.. that would be bad. i love to have fun with Miss Fran just as much as i like to play and scene.

thankful

thankful is a good trait for anyone to have. im thankful for so many things.. i post about them every week. i feel bad when it takes me a while to come up with the 10 that is required of me. a sub should always be thankful. a few things i am thankful for concerning Miss Fran.. we are the same height.. so when i hug her my face fits in Her neck.. when we lay in bed naked and i lay my head on Her chest Her skin is so soft and smooth there.. i dont know how to explain thankfulness.. i know that my parents brought me up to always say my p's and que's. but i am so thankful for Miss Fran, for my new collar, for my new tattoo.. which is my icon picture..

you mofo's!

happy friday! i hope E/everyone has a great weekend and a wonderful Mothers Day!

unobtrusive

in my opinion i think a sub should never seek attention. she should be quiet, sort of in the background. she should stay put, untill her Mistress requests something from her.. she should be seen and not heard in a sense, to speak when spoken to. she should not be assertive, should never be undesireably noticeable. she should always represent her Mistress in the best possible way, dress and appearance, and her disposition.

Thankful Thursdays V

im thankful that:

1. Miss Fran got me a present :D

2. figured out what is wrong with my back

3. my teeth are finally almost healed

4. my back is feeling better.. sort of

5. Andrea is my friend, and got a new job

6. i have my Mom :D

7. Kaycee isnt hurt very bad

8. the weather is beautiful outside!

9. Miss Fran, Mr. Hubby and i had a full week without any problems! yay!

10. most of all, im thankful that i am finding myself with Them, that They still want me.. and that Miss Fran wants to collar me

giving

ive always been a giver, as i said in a previous post. i love birthdays, christmas, silly holidays.. i love buying presents. but in a D/s relationship, giving is about so much more. its about giving your body, soul, and trust. and in O/our case, my heart as well. ive always given those things maybe a little too freely in the past.. at least my heart. im not slut.. at least not the text book term slut. i can count the amount of people with on less than 2 hands. but thats neither here nor there. when i give myself, i can easily see how it pleases Her.. just today She told me She bought me a present because ive been such a good girl this week. giving goes both ways. always. you give everything and do everything to make sure the One you love is happy :)

trusting

trust is important in any relationship. but i think its even more so in one like O/ours. i need to trust Her to not push me too far. i have to trust Her with my body. She has to trust that ill always be honest with my feelings and emotions. that i will always be an open book. that She will always have a clear head, and a steady hand. that She will always be fair to me. not ask too much. not set me up for failure. that She will always be there for me.

unassuming

Miss Fran asked me to do seperate post on each of the 10 things that i listed for good qualities in a sub. And the first is unassuming. a sub should never assume anything. assume - means make an ASS out of U and ME. a sub should never assume she gets to sit on the couch during the movie. a sub should never assume that she gets to sit at the table at dinner. she should always assume that her tasks should always be done, unless otherwise instructed. a sub should always assume that her obligation is first and formost to her Mistress. a sub should never assume that she has a right to herself. her body is not her own.

i wuv you!

Miss Fran said i love you this morning. =D for the first time.. i said it back, it made my day. w0oT! i was only supposed to stay friday night but ended up staying all weekend because L's daughter didnt end up comming to stay. saturday night Miss Fran and i played. its been her goal to leave brusises on my poor bottom. lol and my bottom is very resiliant. it will get red.. but wont bruise :( She used the crop, paint stirrer, the big paddle. which was scarry.. she asked if i was ready for one hard one.. and i got introuble for not answering right away because i didnt know the answer to it.. part of me wanted to get a hard one out of the way but part of me was scared that it would be too much.. it is one big ass paddle, more like a boat oar. in the end she didnt feel i was ready. so i took a couple of not so hard ones. i was laying face down on her bed, unrestrained, which was weird. and took a lot of work, because i squirm a lot. i got my everyday collar also this weekend. i loooooove it! i wore it a good part of the weekend, and even to work today. i had such a good day. i really think things are looking up. im so excited!

thankful thursdays VI

im so thankful:

1. that i am working things out with C and L

2. that Miss Fran let me come over on a work night (last night)

3. that i get to go back after work tomorrow

4. we have neighbors that have the cutest Bull dog named Booker

5. that ive lost another 10 lbs

6. that i love my vegetables

7. that my sister got a promotion at work

8. i got to hang out with my friend Christa for a little bit today

9. greys anatomy is on for 2 hours tonight

10. tomorrow is friday!!!!

10 things i love about subs

Miss Fran asked me to do a post on 10 qualities that i think a good sub should possess.

1. unassuming

2. trusting

3. giving

4. unobtrusive

5. thankful

6. cheeky

7. respectful

8. obedient

9. comforting

10. loving

oh!

cant believe i forgot to add this.. Miss Fran said She wants to collar me *clapps excitedly* she told me out of the blue yesterday, and with all of the setbacks we have been having it was the last thing i was expecting to hear.. i am so excited! wish U/us luck!

i love the way you love

i just sort of had an ephiany.. instead of focusing on the things that are weighing me down, i need to look to the future.. to things that are comming.. that i am so excited for.. surgery, its going to change my life.. and i cant wait. my life with C and L, spending time with them, moving foward in our relationship, i am so excited for those things to come.. a new job.. i just have to get through all the sludge (not C and L.. they arent sludge at all) but all that stuff that i feel holding me down.. and back. i cant wait to get through it all. and get to the good stuff :D

nails anyone?

i used to go to a munch.. the girl and her husband how headed it up were hardcore people.. i saw pictures of her with her mouth nailed shut.. literally. ive decided that METAPHORICALLY, thats what im going to do. im going to shut the hell up. im going to do what im told and not say anything about it. just do it. i want to make Her happy.. i have to be what makes Her happy