ive had the best day of my life

Write about lastnight's scene .At the end of your post I want you to rank each of the following:
(1 being least favorite and so on)
Crop
Black Slapper
Hot Wax
Flogger
Breath Control
and locations
Tits
Pussy
Back
Legs
Ass
Feet
Miss Fran convinced me to call in sick to work yesterday :D i dont know why, but yesterday, i would have to say was probablly one of the best days of my life. and i cant put my finger on the reason why, it was just an awesome day. we went shopping at walmart and costco, came home and played WoW for a while, i made dinner for them.. and then Miss Fran told me to go put on my collar and cuffs, hands and ankles. i went into the bedroom and got nekkid and put my cuffs and stood quietly. She knew when to come in because i wasnt jingling anymore hehe. She brought in the straps to secure me to the bed and i attatched myself as much as i could and She got the rest, and put a blindfold on me. She brought in the ipod and we listened to Korn. i liked the music, i thought it would be distracting but i liked it a lot. i always have a hard time of putting a scene in order after the fact. i believe She used the crop on me first, i like the crop, but it felt like the cane to me, i was suprised after wards to find out She didnt use the cane at all. She used it on my back, sides, back of legs, feet, ass. and She brought out Her new black slapper, which is really stingy, and She used the purple nylon flogger between some of the hits and i found out that i LOVE that. the different sensations feel amazing. i think She had me hold the crop between my teeth while She used the slapper. THEN She totally suprised me by pouring hot wax down the middle of my back.. woah. it made me cry out but i love hot wax, just have never been suprised with it before. She cleaned up the wax and had me roll over and reattach myself so i was on my back. for some reason i feel so much more vunerable on my back, i jump a lot more when i am, i feel so open and unprotected. She used the crop and slapper more, i cant remember if She used the flogger on my front side or not. i remember that She didnt use the wax on my front either. She spanked my pussy with the slapper.. i love having my pussy spanked when i am on my hands and knees or on my tummy, but when im on my back i hate it. weird, i know. She made me hold the crop in my teeth again. She took it out, and started kissing me hard, i love to kiss. making out is probablly one of my all time favorite past times. but since i had been crying, and my blindfold was down over my nose i couldnt breathe. it was really intense, i was running out, trying not to breathe through my nose and get snot everywhere, so i inhaled and stole Her breath. it was a really interesting experiance.. She did it again soon after the first time. She put clamps on my nipples and i had to beg to get them to come off, they came off and She licked them nicely, which i am very thankful for. but She found my hair clips and put those on instead, but they wernt nearly as bad. after that was cuddling and petting time. i love that part . i loved all of it. it was just a really good scene for me. for Her too i hope. it was really balanced, not too much or too little of anything.

Crop 2
Black Slapper 1
Hot Wax 5
Flogger 3
Breath Control 4

and locations

Tits 2
Pussy 1
Back 5
Legs 3
Ass 6
Feet 4

but my day doesnt end there. i think i got up a little after midnight to put everything away, i have to get up at 4:20 am mind you, for work. so Mr. Hubby suggests that we pull an all nighter, cuz he got up really late and wasnt sleepy either. and after a scene i always get an adrenalin rush and get really hungry. so we watched a movie and then we laid down and talked for a long time, played some, he bit my ass and i gave him head for a long time.. He eventually turned on one of the lamps above the bed and watched me give him head, that was different because we usually do everything in the dark lol. so that was nice. he came 5 minutes before my alarm went off lol. we got up and he made me a drink and i went in to say good bye to Miss Fran, i always get so sad when i have to leave. but the whole day was perfect. everything felt in place and right. except the leaving part. that never feels right. so here i am going on my 29th hour of no sleep, and im am a glad panda. im so happy.

nothing but the same

To maintain honest and open communication and be treated with nothing but the same"

that is a quote from O/our contract. to me it means that on that one thing that W/we are on the same level. that i can expect the same amount of communication, that She requires from me. communication is so important in keeping everything balanced. if you keep things to yourself, or if She were to keep things to Herself.. and theres a problem, how am i supposed to fix it, if She doesnt communicate to me what im doing wrong? and vise versa, if i have an issue, then She cant understand or even come up with a solution if She doesnt know about it.

uninhibited.

What does this statement mean to you?
"To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve, and limit my growth as a submissive"

in order to grow as a sub i have to let all my inhibitions go. one of my biggest inhibitions has been nakedness. i dont know if i can say that im over it, i think its more like i dont have a choice. lol. i dont like seeing myself naked, how can i expect anyone else to? im over that mindset now. i am becoming more comfortable in my own skin. and besides.. im determined that i wont be like this forever! lol. thats just one example tho. one of the biggest obsticals i need to over come is my fear of talking. i am an introvert. i keep things to myself, let them fester, untill they blow up. its almost like i have to stop thinking for myself. that sounds weird, but, if i think for myself, i am going to blow things way out of proportion. a insanely bad habbit of mine. things would be so much simpler if i would just talk about that thing in the first place! *smacks forhead* that statement means that if i am honest, and remember my place, then letting go of my inhibitions will not only help me be a better submissive but help me to grow, and learn more, and use what ive learned properly. so really, it is in my best intrest to not feel guilt or shame, and if ive done nothing wrong then there will be no need to feel either of those two emotions.

commandments

What does this statement mean to you?
"i agree To obey given commands to the best of my ability"
it means that unless i have a really good, valid excuese i better do it. but the whole thing of it is, is that i should want to do things for my Mistress. i want to please Her. She doesnt ask much of me at all. i know that. but im still getting into the groove of things. ive been out of this lifestyle for a long time. i hope i havent done a miserable job of it, i know ive certinly botched a few commandments, thats for sure.. *cough* last weekend *cough* but i know i am trying.. but to the best of my ability? probablly not. im very sorry to admit that. i know that my strong will, and independance has been a hinderance. and now that i have admitted to myself that maybe i havent been doing my best, things will change. i want to do my best for Her, i certinly want Her to want to keep me around. i dont want to have to fight to keep my place in Her life, as Her sub or otherwise. so i better get my act togeather. ive sort of had an ephiny while writing this post. i havent been keeping up my end of the contract. i beg forgivness from Her, and i hope She is still willing to let me prove myself.

code red

Tell Me about your safeword and what it means to you. Also tell Me about your other option.

my safeword is red. i think red a pretty common safeword within the D/s circle. red in my contract means that the scene will only stop or slow temporarily. in my experiance, that is pretty uncommon. red usually means that the scene is stoped, and will not continue. i dont have one of those. typically yellow is another safe word used to stop or slow a scene temporarily. my other option is a verbal queue. "i wish to speak to You" to indicate distress without the use of a safeword.

a lot of people have limits. safewords are used when that limit has been pushed. i have never used a safeword.. altho, i have come close. Miss Fran is not the only one pushing me, i am pushing myself. pushing myself through the pain, pushing myself to take more. pushing myself to not disapoint Her by using my safeword.

my safeword to me, means that, i need a break from whatever Miss Fran is doing to me. before i entered into this relationship, i was niave enough to think that i had a somewhat high pain tollerance. ha! after reading some of the blogs out there, i am a pansy ass. lol. but i hope that She continues to push me, and that i push myself. and that a safeword will not be a common occurance

What do these statements mean to you?
"i ask that the care of my body be accepted for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs"
"i ask to be guided in sexual, sensual, or scene-related behavior, in such a way as to further my growth as a person"
"i request of {Miss Fran}, as my Dominant, to use the power vested in this role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being"

they mean to me that i have willingly given up my body. that i trust Her to use it how She fits. that i trust Her to do it safely, and not put me in harms way, or risk injury. that my body is for Her benefit, her pleasure. it means that i trust Her to help me grow outside of sceneing, to become a better person, a better submissive. that She will do Her best to mold me in a way that pleases Her.

Cane please!

goes under a computer chair or something? that have the little spikey things to dig into the carpet. i completely forgot about it, didnt even know what She was going to use it for, i was damn suprised when my ass was on it. She had me roll over and took some pictures. then She asked if i was ready for the paddle. i was scared, She kept rubbing it over my ass, and i was tense of course, She said, "you know its going to hurt more if you tense up.." so i slowly started to relax, and WAM! oh. my. god. i thought i was paralysed. i thought i would never walk again. i started crying instantly. never felt anything like that before in my life. ever. it hurt so bad, it felt like She had hit me across the tail bone and i thought i wouldnt be able to walk for a week. She showed me pictures and it left really weirdlast night Miss Fran and i had a little play time. if felt a lot different from times before. ive been wearing my everyday collar for about 3 weeks now.. well 2 because i accidentally forgot it and had to go without it for a week :( but last night i wore my collar collar. and my wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs. all matching. we never got to using the ankle cuffs. She linked my hands behind my back and then linked them to my collar with some nylon rope. then She blindfolded me, and bent me over the bed. She used the cane a few times, and asked me if i wanted 5 medium hits of the cane, or one hard hit from the paddle. now let me tell you about this paddle. this thing could EASILY be used for a boat oar. easily. it is huge. and it looks even bigger because it gets used on my ass. and granted, i had probablly already gotten about 5 hits of the cane, but i figured nothing She had could be worse than that cane. so i said i wanted one of the paddle. ive never been hit anywhere hard with it. She lead me over, and had me lay on my back, and a couple of months ago She had me go to home depot and pick up a floor runner.. you know the kind that marks on my ass, i will have to have Her put it on here so you can see.

i felt that hit throughout my whole body, and She said it wasnt even really hard, maybe medium hard at best. afterwards i got on the bed and She laid with me, petting me like i love, especially after playing.. we talked about how i am supposed to act when that purple collar is on. and today i go and fuck everything up. more on that another time probablly.. have a good memorial day everyone

Discipline and Punnishment

there is an obvious difference between discipline and punnishment to me. discipline is getting up and making Her bed on the days i am here. discipline is asking to sit at the table to eat, or to sit on the couch before watching a movie. discipline is doing all my daily assignments and tasks before any sort of entertainment. punnishment incurs when i dont do those things. like last week, when i went to seattle with my sister before doing my tasks. i had to hand write "i will do my assignments before any entertainment. i am sorry for forgetting, especially so soon after a warning." 200 times. that is a punnishment. discipline in a D/s relationship isnt really any different than any vanilla person. just like you have to discipline yourself to eat right or excersize(the punnishment for that is getting overweight, and incuring health problems), you have to discipline yourself to put your Master or Mistress first, that is the ultimate task of discipline, putting yourself last.

grapes are yummy!

Today is 3 months since we first met. What have you learned about yourself in the last 3 months? What do you still need/want to learn? Expand on this. <------blog assignment


it feels longer than 3 months in someways and shorter than that in others, to me. i remember sitting in the resteraunt tearing up my straw paper, hiding behind my hair. Miss Fran called me and told me that They were there. i was so nervous. They walked in.. i didnt see Them because i was hiding.. They walked up and She told me to scoot over, and asked why i was hiding. lol She was so laugh-y and i remember She had Her arm around my shoulders and was playing with the bare skin above my breasts.. nuzzling my neck.. They both kept laughing at my nervousness, trying to bring me out of it. the people at the table across from us were looking at us weird.. and She loved that. i think secretly She loves to cause a scene. :D

ive learned a lot about myself.. does one learn to have more self confidance? or does one just get it? lol... either way, i feel like i have more of it. ive learned that even tho this relationship might not be healthy in "vanilla terms" it feels healthy to me. that its a wonderful thing to be happy in a relationship. ive never had that.. at least not for very long. if at all. im learning to open up, to talk, to reveal my feelings to not be ashamed, or shy because of them. ive learned that i hate disapointing Her.. i feel like ive done my fair share of it lately. i guess im still at the stage, where i dont have enough confidance in the relationship.. because sometimes im still afraid that "this is gonna be it" that everything is going to come to an end because i disapointed Her. i guess that means i dont have enough confidance in Her either.. i proved that last night. im learning to make toys! sometimes its tedious work, but the work is fruitful! ive made 3 floggers so far, all of them out of nylon rope, and im sure a lot of Y/you out there are snickering and muttering "pansy" under your breath. lol. this last weekend i looked at a page for making leather toys. i havent "graduated" to leather yet. ive learned that it takes A LOT OF WORK to keep 3 people happy in a relationship. Mr. Hubby today made a comment about asking myself if its worth it. and my response to that was.. that ive never had to ask myself that concerning the two of You... and i think He might not have understood what i meant by that.. waat i meant was.. that its never crossed my mind that its not worth it. i never had to ask myself if its worth it, because of course its worth it! ive learned that i was affection starved before i met Them. when i get to Their house after not being with Them all week, and i hug Her, put my face in Her neck, i feel everything just sort of slide off my back so to say.. my shoulders lower about 5 inches lol, and i can breathe again. i swear She smells like grapes sometimes. lol. neither of U/us knows why. and ive also learned that i love to be affectionate back. i think i am finally getting over my shyness when it comes to being affectionate, when it comes to initiating it. i have no problem recieving it. hehe. ive learned that with Them, i need to deal in specifics. generalizations leave too much room for error. and im not used to being specific.

what do i still need to learn. i need to learn to not get defensive. i need to learn to listen and take things with a grain of salt. i need to learn to not expect the worst to happen. i need to learn to be more patient. i need to learn to be more specific. i need to learn to be more obedient. the word obedient reminds me of a song we used to sing in sunday school. i think the last line is something to the effect of, "obedience is the very best way to show that you belive"..or care. or something like that. i need/want to learn to not be a cry baby!

and finally, what do i want to learn? i want to learn how to compromise better. i want to learn Them. to understand Them better. i also WANT to learn to be more obedient. better yet, i want to learn to do what She wants, before She asks. i envy a lot of you out there, i envy your attitude, your disposition, your knowledge. i want to learn to not be so strong willed, and independant, because right now i feel that those things are keeping me from being a better submissive. i want to learn to communicate better. i know it is one of the most important things to Her. and i know i need a lot more work on it. i want to learn to keep my emotions in check.. i think that would help me a lot in communicating better.

intent

In our contract it says that you agree:
To maintain honest and open communication and be treated with nothing but the same.
To strive to reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment. This is quoted directly from the contract on page 2. Do you feel that what happened on Sunday was in line with the intent of this contract?If so, explain.If not, explain.I would also like for you to list at least 3 solutions as to how we can each improve communication <---blog assignment for today



at no point on sunday did i refuse to talk about the situation. i had said that i didnt want to talk about it right now, yes. i dont belive that was out of line in any way.. the contract says "strive to reveal my thougts, feelings and desires without hesitation or embarassment."



strive - to try very hard or struggle



communication is something ive struggled with my entire life. i have been trying very hard to get better at it and at least i, feel that i have improved a lot since 4 months ago. i dont think anything happened that was out of line as far as the contracts intent. at all. if i dont have an option of wanting to talk about it at a later time then maybe that should be added in.



as far as solutions go..



dont push. panic comes swift and easily. telling me ive got 30 seconds to talk or go home.. is going to push me to go home. talking or going home isnt an option, its an ultimadum. no one responds well to those. when You sit there getting angry at my tears.. that certinly isnt going to make me open up any easier or faster. it makes it so much harder. Your upset before i even say anything. it makes me think that the rest isnt going to go any better


dont be jealous. there isnt anything to be jealous of. i love BOTH of You very much.

give me time to gather my thoughts and emotions.. my courage. i know by now that not talking isnt an option. i know that. so when i sit there im not trying to get out of it or refusing to talk.

as for me.. i dont know what i could to to improve on listening.. as You havent told me of anything that i need to pay attention to. You told me on sunday, that in the begening of the relationship You had the attitude of "well is she isnt going to talk to Me then im not going to talk to her" i belive W/we are over that. as i feel that i have improved a great deal. maybe You disagree. i dont know.
patience with eachother is key

understanding that one has a hardship, and the other doesnt is important also.

and comming to the middle so that neither of us feels pushed or pulled.

communication.

communication isnt really something ive been good at.. ever. i dont talk to my parents, i dont talk to my siblings.. not even really to my friends. communitation means:
The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. i know where my lack of communication stems from.. it was about 9 years ago. when i confided in my parents about something that had happened to my sister and i.. and they did nothing. in my short history of relationships communication didnt get any better.

sunday when i got up Miss Fran sat with me and told me that i would no longer be sleeping with Mr. Hubby. that i would be sleeping on the couch from now on. She said that if She didnt get to sleep with him, then i wouldnt be either. Mr. Hubby is a light sleeper, so any sort of noise (snoring hehe) will keep him up. so They sleep in seperate bedrooms.
before i met Them i had never slept with anyone. He is the first person i ever spent the night with, in the boyfriend girlfriend context. i understood where She was comming from, i would be upset in Her position too. its something that has become important to me. They are a lot of firsts for me.. They are both the only people ive said i love you to face to face.. its an emotional thing.. not a sex thing when it comes to sleeping with Them. so sunday when She told me this i was really upset.. i had wrote in a previous blog that i was hoping to sleep with Her this weekend also. the more upset about something i am, the less i want to talk about it. i hate crying, i hate anyone seeing me cry. i am a cryer. i cry all the damn time. i have this bad habbit of thinking the worst is going to happen.. that im going to get the worst reaction when i say something. She gave me some time.. and when Mr Hubby got up He asked me what was wrong and i just didnt want to talk about it at that time.. i wasnt upset anymore.. had stopped crying.. and i didnt want to start again. i just wanted to wait till i could get to the point where i wouldnt cry. Miss Fran told me i could talk.. or go home. that made me start crying more. its not that i was refusing to talk.. i just didnt want to talk then. i dont want to sit here with puffy eyes, runny nose, crying in front of them. honestly i almost left. i was mad, angry that She was forcing me. She would say to that.. that i had a choice. but thats no choice. walking away is never a choice. She said sitting there and crying wasnt an option, and that i had 30 seconds to start talking or go home. i wanted to scream. so i finally pushed myself to start talking.. that im not upset because i cant sleep with HIM.. but because i cant sleep with ANYone. yes i sleep alone when im at home.. but it sucks then too. lol we talked and tryed to come up with a solution. He said he would sleep with Her one night a week. She would sleep with me one night a week, and he would sleep with me one night a week. of course He was quick to point out that i was the only one not giving up anything.. part of the problem is that She doesnt like His bed.. so not matter what, someone is going to be losing sleep. i am very greatful that They are willing to compromise. last night all three of U/us tried to sleep in the big bed.. lol along with a dog. it didnt last long.. He ended up in her bed eventually, and She and the dog stayed with me. i always make thing out to be worse than they are. i thought i would be stuck sleeping on the couch forever :( but thats not the case.. at least not right now :D