playin it safe

for a long time i think ive been in my own "safe mode" never letting anyone get past a certin point, only because the people i let in, crushed me. but i cant not trust everyone.. i have to let down my guards, learn to trust again.. but its not even agian.. its like ive never really done it. its like learning to ride a bike as an adult.. i think it would be a lot harder to learn as an adult than as a child. i wish a lot of times that i could go back.. i would do a lot of things different. there's got to be an opening here somewhere through this maze of ugliness that sometimes tries to cling to me. i know theres a light at the end of the tunnel.. i just need help digging it out. isnt it ironic that i trust Her to tie me down, flog me from head to toe.. but not tell her that im upset about a dream i had?