nothing's ever good enough

i keep trying and trying, it doesnt seem to be doing any good. i have assignments.. or i did, still do.. not sure. masturbating 3 times a day, then down to 2 times for 15 minutes each.. writing in my blog, walking for 10 minutes. now, reading a new blog, leaving comments. not a lot by themselves. i was having trouble keeping up, doing those things on top of the things i have to do at home, for my family, my own chores at home, laundry, helping with dinner, cleaning the kitchen, my own down time. maybe im not supposed to have any, does it make me a bad sub for being concerned with that? i have no idea, i do know that its something i need. i need time in a day to relax.. i brought it up that it was a little much, She told me its ok, she couldnt be concerned with keeping track of all of it. that hurt. a lot. so i quit doing some of it.. didnt do a blog everyday, which she know's i have trouble with keeping up with a blog anyways, i just need a specific subject to write on, i dont mind doing it, i really dont. i dont put other things first.. i dont put "watching tv, or going out" before assigments.. one, because i was told they werent a priority, and they couldnt be concerned with anymore. and they only reason i go out is because i cant be there with Her.. if i were there, i wouldnt go out, and i wouldnt have to do a blog anyways. not an excuese i know. but dont i get some slack? i had 4 teeth pulled out of my head yesterday, im on pain meds and cant remember half of my day anyways???? i tell her how i feel today and i dont get anything but complaints. how do you think that makes me feel?!?!?!?!? like shit! she said last weekend she wasnt giving me enough credit.. and she still isnt. im trying my hardest here.. i really am. does she think i would slack in the one thing thats really important to me right now?? oviously she does. and i cant do anything about it. ive tried to make her see that im not going to do what she thinks. no one can change her mind but her. ive tried and tried. there's just so much going on and i feel like im drowning in everything.. i just need everyone to let up just a little.. im struggling so hard with work, making sure my bills are paid, this relationship, my family, surgery. im just having a hard time i dont get why everyone keeps pushing and pushing. im giving all i can, and i think its a lot damnit! but its never been enough for anyone.