communication.

communication isnt really something ive been good at.. ever. i dont talk to my parents, i dont talk to my siblings.. not even really to my friends. communitation means:
The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. i know where my lack of communication stems from.. it was about 9 years ago. when i confided in my parents about something that had happened to my sister and i.. and they did nothing. in my short history of relationships communication didnt get any better.

sunday when i got up Miss Fran sat with me and told me that i would no longer be sleeping with Mr. Hubby. that i would be sleeping on the couch from now on. She said that if She didnt get to sleep with him, then i wouldnt be either. Mr. Hubby is a light sleeper, so any sort of noise (snoring hehe) will keep him up. so They sleep in seperate bedrooms.
before i met Them i had never slept with anyone. He is the first person i ever spent the night with, in the boyfriend girlfriend context. i understood where She was comming from, i would be upset in Her position too. its something that has become important to me. They are a lot of firsts for me.. They are both the only people ive said i love you to face to face.. its an emotional thing.. not a sex thing when it comes to sleeping with Them. so sunday when She told me this i was really upset.. i had wrote in a previous blog that i was hoping to sleep with Her this weekend also. the more upset about something i am, the less i want to talk about it. i hate crying, i hate anyone seeing me cry. i am a cryer. i cry all the damn time. i have this bad habbit of thinking the worst is going to happen.. that im going to get the worst reaction when i say something. She gave me some time.. and when Mr Hubby got up He asked me what was wrong and i just didnt want to talk about it at that time.. i wasnt upset anymore.. had stopped crying.. and i didnt want to start again. i just wanted to wait till i could get to the point where i wouldnt cry. Miss Fran told me i could talk.. or go home. that made me start crying more. its not that i was refusing to talk.. i just didnt want to talk then. i dont want to sit here with puffy eyes, runny nose, crying in front of them. honestly i almost left. i was mad, angry that She was forcing me. She would say to that.. that i had a choice. but thats no choice. walking away is never a choice. She said sitting there and crying wasnt an option, and that i had 30 seconds to start talking or go home. i wanted to scream. so i finally pushed myself to start talking.. that im not upset because i cant sleep with HIM.. but because i cant sleep with ANYone. yes i sleep alone when im at home.. but it sucks then too. lol we talked and tryed to come up with a solution. He said he would sleep with Her one night a week. She would sleep with me one night a week, and he would sleep with me one night a week. of course He was quick to point out that i was the only one not giving up anything.. part of the problem is that She doesnt like His bed.. so not matter what, someone is going to be losing sleep. i am very greatful that They are willing to compromise. last night all three of U/us tried to sleep in the big bed.. lol along with a dog. it didnt last long.. He ended up in her bed eventually, and She and the dog stayed with me. i always make thing out to be worse than they are. i thought i would be stuck sleeping on the couch forever :( but thats not the case.. at least not right now :D