grapes are yummy!

Today is 3 months since we first met. What have you learned about yourself in the last 3 months? What do you still need/want to learn? Expand on this. <------blog assignment


it feels longer than 3 months in someways and shorter than that in others, to me. i remember sitting in the resteraunt tearing up my straw paper, hiding behind my hair. Miss Fran called me and told me that They were there. i was so nervous. They walked in.. i didnt see Them because i was hiding.. They walked up and She told me to scoot over, and asked why i was hiding. lol She was so laugh-y and i remember She had Her arm around my shoulders and was playing with the bare skin above my breasts.. nuzzling my neck.. They both kept laughing at my nervousness, trying to bring me out of it. the people at the table across from us were looking at us weird.. and She loved that. i think secretly She loves to cause a scene. :D

ive learned a lot about myself.. does one learn to have more self confidance? or does one just get it? lol... either way, i feel like i have more of it. ive learned that even tho this relationship might not be healthy in "vanilla terms" it feels healthy to me. that its a wonderful thing to be happy in a relationship. ive never had that.. at least not for very long. if at all. im learning to open up, to talk, to reveal my feelings to not be ashamed, or shy because of them. ive learned that i hate disapointing Her.. i feel like ive done my fair share of it lately. i guess im still at the stage, where i dont have enough confidance in the relationship.. because sometimes im still afraid that "this is gonna be it" that everything is going to come to an end because i disapointed Her. i guess that means i dont have enough confidance in Her either.. i proved that last night. im learning to make toys! sometimes its tedious work, but the work is fruitful! ive made 3 floggers so far, all of them out of nylon rope, and im sure a lot of Y/you out there are snickering and muttering "pansy" under your breath. lol. this last weekend i looked at a page for making leather toys. i havent "graduated" to leather yet. ive learned that it takes A LOT OF WORK to keep 3 people happy in a relationship. Mr. Hubby today made a comment about asking myself if its worth it. and my response to that was.. that ive never had to ask myself that concerning the two of You... and i think He might not have understood what i meant by that.. waat i meant was.. that its never crossed my mind that its not worth it. i never had to ask myself if its worth it, because of course its worth it! ive learned that i was affection starved before i met Them. when i get to Their house after not being with Them all week, and i hug Her, put my face in Her neck, i feel everything just sort of slide off my back so to say.. my shoulders lower about 5 inches lol, and i can breathe again. i swear She smells like grapes sometimes. lol. neither of U/us knows why. and ive also learned that i love to be affectionate back. i think i am finally getting over my shyness when it comes to being affectionate, when it comes to initiating it. i have no problem recieving it. hehe. ive learned that with Them, i need to deal in specifics. generalizations leave too much room for error. and im not used to being specific.

what do i still need to learn. i need to learn to not get defensive. i need to learn to listen and take things with a grain of salt. i need to learn to not expect the worst to happen. i need to learn to be more patient. i need to learn to be more specific. i need to learn to be more obedient. the word obedient reminds me of a song we used to sing in sunday school. i think the last line is something to the effect of, "obedience is the very best way to show that you belive"..or care. or something like that. i need/want to learn to not be a cry baby!

and finally, what do i want to learn? i want to learn how to compromise better. i want to learn Them. to understand Them better. i also WANT to learn to be more obedient. better yet, i want to learn to do what She wants, before She asks. i envy a lot of you out there, i envy your attitude, your disposition, your knowledge. i want to learn to not be so strong willed, and independant, because right now i feel that those things are keeping me from being a better submissive. i want to learn to communicate better. i know it is one of the most important things to Her. and i know i need a lot more work on it. i want to learn to keep my emotions in check.. i think that would help me a lot in communicating better.