starts with goodbye

was standing on the doorstep,
the box in my hands wanted to fall out of my hands,
But I knew I had to do it,
And they wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without them,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a cross road
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead,
just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things ive loved to get to the other side
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now...

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side, I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you're trying to fly,
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
starts with goodbye

screw the roses, send me the thorns. chapter 1

Miss Fran and i started reading Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns bye Philip Miller and molly devon. the first chapter explained what SM is, and is not, they made a big point of saying that SM is NOT abuse in any way, unless one partner is unwilling. SM is there to help the submissive to feel helpless and vulerable, and the Dom, in a position of controll and authority. there were some vocab, lingo words we read about. they pointed out the differences between a Owner/slave, Top/bottom, Dom/sub. there wasnt a whole lot of things that were new to me in chapter one. but i really like the book, there is a lot of humor to keep things light and interesting. and lots of pictures =D i like these kinds of picture books hehe

thankful thursdays

im thankful that:

1. im all moved in

2. we have the bedroom situation worked out, all we have to do is make the switch

3. things between my family arent tense or anything like i thought they might

4. my new job is cool, takes a little getting used to but i know ill get the hang of it

5. the guy training me is really nice and patient, i can learn from him

6. the barista girls that i thought would be snobby are cool, and theres a guy now too! met him today, cute cute cute

7. ive lost just over 10lbs on my diet

8. Miss Fran said i could eat real food as soon as i get down to a certian point. only 5 lbs to go.. and i can have real food for every 10 lbs i lose

9. THE AIR CONDITIONING WORKS IN MY CAR NOW!!!!

10. it wasnt so hot out today. made work much more bareable

devilish eggs

recipe: Devilish eggs

6 eggs hard boiled
2 table spoons mayo
1 tablepoon mustard (yellow or honey, depending on how you like your devilish eggs.. sweet or sour)
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dill
2 table spoons pickle juice (again, sweet or dill, depends on how you like it)
a dash of tabasco, or cayenne.. what ever you have

peel and cut eggs in half, carefully removing yolks. mix all other ingredience togeather with yolks.

Tip: when done, put mixture into a ziplock bag and cut a corner off, its lots easier to fill the egg white halfs


today was my first day at my new job and it went really well i think. the guy that was training me was really nice and patient and helped me and didnt just leave me to it. he was able to answer a lot of my questions. i made cookies and energy bars and granola and potato salad and did sandwich prep. it was fucking hott!!!!!! jesus h. christ. the guy i worked with today worked yesterday and he said he closed early cuz it was so damn hot. so today before everything got too busy he went and bought a fan.. a freakin awesome fan. was still pretty hot but at least we had air flow.



Miss Fran and i played last night.. She worked on my front side. i dont know why but the front side is just so much more jumpy and sensitive i guess. i feel all jittery and jumpy. She put clothes pins and such on my nipples and flogged them off.. which hurt like a bitch. She couldnt even barely touch my right one after they were all off without me yelping in pain. im a pussy, i know. She rubbed my clit for a while and made me cum, and after wards i cried.. like usual. yesterday She told me She felt unwanted, that i didnt make Her feel like the center of the universe, and thats how She thought thats how a sub was supposed to make her Domme feel. and Shes right.

i know the deviled egg recipe is kinda cheesy, but Miss Fran wanted me to make some for Her and Mr. Hubby. its a good summer side dish or snack. =D

hmm.. dont know why my font stuff is all wacked out.. weird

well, this is it

tomorrow is the big day. i start my new job. im not nervous yet.. i feel i am quite capable, and qualified. im excited, and tomorrow im sure ill be nervous. im really glad i get to wear jeans.. ive never had a job where i can wear casual stuff. that will be nice. its been really hot here the past couple of days. hmm, nothing really new and exciting.. oh! tomorrow is contract renegotiation time again.. theres a new girl on the yahoo group Miss Fran and i belong to who is a published author of erotic books, im excited to look her up and start reading. who doesnt like a good erotic story?? we gave the other dog a hair cut and bath yesterday. they are both so cute now.. not that they wernt before. ive lost 9 lbs on my liquid diet already. makes me happy! im getting more and more used to it now. but im so glad it seems to be working, i hope it keeps up

munchies

saturday was Miss Fran and i's first munch togeather. over all it was a good time, was a bit boring in the begening because there was no BDSM talk.. just a bunch of small talk. it was a lot more interesting once the talk turned in the right direction. there were a lot of interesting people, they asked questions and were of course a little confused by the situation between the 3 of us. understandable. Miss Fran even let me share part of a caesar salad with Her. real food *faint* it made me full quick, but it didnt last long! this liquid diet thing.. works, but man.. what i wouldnt give for some food to chew, ...other than fruit. lol. Miss Fran really wants to get more involved in the local scene, ive been a few times, and its fun, a good learning experiance. and lots of interesting people. the local club in seattle isnt just for bdsm. its for ANY alternitive lifestyle. gay, lesbian, BDSM, tv, poly, you name it, they got something for ya! they have belly dancing classes, old school porn night, discussion groups on everything, demonstrations.. but one thing is for sure.. i dont recommend going by yourself. lol. there are of course the creepy people lurking in the corners. they have a huge dungeon space, private play area's that are invite only to watch. blood/knife play rooms.. a room with a doctors table.. even a room for food play.. a huge locker room type shower.. for those messy activities *crinkles nose* and after care rooms, and space just to sit and talk with other people.

almost all moved in

so thursday night was my last night at home with my family. my mom didnt cry(im sure she will in private) but my daddy cried.. which made me cry. ive been the kid to make him cry the most.. if at all, and im sorry for that. but i cant and will not appologise for who i am. i like who i am. he doesnt know the real me.. not really, he knows parts, but if he knew all of it i dont think he would like it. at. all. my dad is very old school, a churchie all the way. ive disapointed him a lot, ive made him proud too, and i know he loves me despite all of the disapointments.
friday at work was almost normal. except for the really nice card and cake they baked me at the end of the day *which i did not go near! didnt even taste the frosting* i know they are gonna miss me.. i can tell they were being sincere in saying that. expecially when my asstant manager came up to me in the parking lot and gave me a big hug.. she's not a hugger, touchy feely person at all. they all asked for me to keep them updated, so i will. im sure some of them will even make the trek to come and eat at the new place im working at. i left work and got here and unloaded the car.. got a good part of it unpacked but we didnt get enough hangers. i can never find this many clothes when im looking for something to wear!! we saw transformers last night.. EXCELLENT movie. freakin loved it.
everyone is switching rooms this week to see if we can find something to work for all of us.. not too sure its gonna work, but we wont know unless we try.

thankful thrusdays

im thankful that:

1. tomorow is my last day at my current job

2. im moving in tomorrow!

3. my family is being really supportive of my new job and the move

4. i had a great day off for the 4th

5. im moving on to a better job, but im still going to miss my friends at work

6. i get two days off before i have to start at the new job

7. my parents had a good time on their trip

8. my sister and i worked out our straightner "issue"

9. i started my liquid diet today, and i didnt cheat! .. i almost did, it was half way to my mouth when i realised what i was doing and i threw it on the ground like it was a big bug or something. lol

10. i didnt get too badly sunburned yesterday, a little pink on my left shoulder, and a tiny pink on the back of my neck i think

ah!! sleeping in

i love sleeping in during the week. i never get to do it, theres nothing better than hearing the alarm going off, getting to turn it off and roll over and go back to sleep. hehe, i love that. today and tomorrow i have to finish packing up some clothes and cleaning. my brother got my sister and i some salt water taffy *yum* and a vegas key chain. everyone is nice and tan, and probablly dont want to see the inside of a car for weeks! lol. they drove from seattle, through oregon, california, nevada, utah, and back home. im glad they're back. even though im going to miss spending the 4th with Miss Fran and Mr. Hubby, its good that i can spend it with my family before i move out this weekend. my best friend broke up with her boyfriend recently.. we havent been spending a lot of time togeather lately because she spends a lot of time with her boyfriend during the week when im home, and i spend a lot of time with Miss Fran and Mr. Hubby when shes home.. she told me she missed hanging out like we used to.. im sorry for that. i hope i will still get to see her some times.. wether she comes up to visit me at Miss Fran and Mr. Hubby's or when i come down to see my family. she's going to come by for a few minutes today to drop off a movie i let her borrow. happy 4th of july everyone!

100th POST! next year

so, i dont get to spend 4th of july with Miss Fran and Mr. Hubby. im a little sad about that, but its what Miss Fran wants. She said we would have next year. my sister and i were going to go to the beach with some friends.. but we arent doing that any more. we are gonna stay home i guess. i said goodbye to some people at work today, as a lot of customers are taking a long weekend. im gonna miss some of them, its nice that they wished me well and good luck. after work i went to buy the protien drink i will be drinking instead of eating. im excited, i think i can do really well on this diet *crosses fingers* my sister wants to do the same kind of diet, i hope she does well. my parents are comming home tonight after being gone on a road trip for almost 2 weeks. so i gotta clean house! lol. i just got off the phone with my aunt and i guess the bbq is back on. so we'll probablly do that tomorrow. i can remember when i was younger, and single.. i was single a lot..lol 4th of july used to be a really depressing holiday for me. just cuz i always wished i could share it with someone. (not family lol SO not the same thing) so i hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday, with people they love. =D

happy pet

it was a great weekend! i brought over the few boxes i had and unpacked them. its a good feeling, unpacking. i know things are cramped and crowded but i think we can work through it well enough. so sunday Miss Fran shaved me. =D i thought it was fun. for the past 2 weeks i havent shaved "down there" cuz She has been wanting to do it, we've just been busy. so yesterday She did it. we laughed and giggled a lot but im alllll smooth now hehe. later that night i got a spanking with the big paddle (boat oar). in the D/s newcommers group i belong to on yahoo they are always talking about embracing the pain, let it roll over yourself. and i put that to good use when Miss Fran was spanking me. She doesnt like it when i clench or tense up when She spanks me. She told me if i tense up then She will smack me harder, i think concentrating on no tensing up helped me a lot to deal with the pain. i feel like a took a lot last night. i dont know.. She didnt say so or anything lol. after wards She told me to roll over and play with my cunt, She took pictures and got down on Her knees at the end of the bed and got out my G-spot vibrator and fucked me with it. She asked me if i thought that i had been a good girl that day.. and i said no. i was a horrible pet yesterday. i am deeply ashamed about how i acted. She asked why i thought no, and i told Her why, and She agreed, saying i had acted like a pouty brat all day. She asked if i thought i deserved to cum, i said no. She told me i had 5 minutes to cum, and that i would get a 30 second warning, She finally turnd on the vibrator (She was just fucking me with it before) and i went nuts. She kept saying how wet i was. i could have cum in like a minute, i am waaaay suprised that i was able to last 5. She gave me my warning and it was sooo hard not to cum then, but i came when She told me to.. She asked if i had another one left, i said maybe.. She asked yes or no. i said yes, and i came again.. i probablly could have gone for a third, honestly. i was so turned on and grateful that She allowed me to orgasm. we layed there for a couple minutes and i asked if i could go see if Mr. Hubby wanted a blog job, She said She would ask for me while i cleaned myself up. i was a MESS! hehe. She said he did and that She was going to watch, and to make it quick because it was past my bed time. so we went in and i gave him a blow job and swallwed his cum. aaahhhh! tummy full of cum, and a hot bottom. happy pet indeed!